November 23 - Post Two

Culture and Behavior

Here is a short entry about our experiences with public courtesy in countries such as:  Turkey, Austria, Germany, U.S., Canada, Georgia, Russia, and the Czech Republic.  We are prompted to make these observations because there are some striking similarities and differences that have to do with how folks with gray or white hair are treated.

Getting right to the point: Turkey is the winner! It is the one country where both men and women consistently offer their seats on the metro to Marty or David.  It is also the only place where a complete stranger carried Marty's suitcase up several flights of stairs...just because!  This happened not once but several times.  We were amazed because it has never happened in the U.S. where most of the time folks just don't interact with you when you are out in public.

So we are grateful for the kindness consistently expressed by strangers in Turkey.  It has been something we experienced on every trip there. This is not to say that folks in other countries are not thoughtful or kind, just that it has been more on the surface in some places than in others.

Now another topic. Death and dying.  We have experienced yet another death in our extended family in Georgia.  Families here, as in other countries, pull together and support each other at these times.  What is different in Georgia as compared to the US (and we are sure many other countries have similar practices) is what happens to the body of the deceased.  In Georgia the body is brought home; usually the living room is emptied of the normal furniture and chairs are brought in and line the walls.  The open casket is in the center of the room and the women of the family and close family friends (women) sit in the room -it is only the women who remain the room.  Visitors come into the room and file past the family members generally stopping to hold and kiss the deceased person's family members.  One always goes counter clockwise around the casket.  Flowers are brought and left either by the casket or as was the case today, on the stairs outside the flat.

Men also circle the casket, but then leave and go to stand in the hallway, on nearby steps, or in the courtyard.  This includes the sons or husband if the deceased is a woman.

Today's viewing was different as there were several women with beautiful voices singing.  It was peaceful even with many shedding tears, including Marty, who did not really know the deceased.  But, as she said, it would be difficult not to shed tears with so much raw emotion in the air.  One of the daughters of the deceased spoke to her mother in such a loving and kind manner that it opened the floodgates of any present who were not already crying.

Unlike in the US, the deceased is not covered in makeup to make him/her look peacefully asleep.  The color is ashen, there is no mistaking that this is a dead person.  Grieving is open, nothing held back, people are allowed to express their grief and that is far more healthy than bottling it up the way our culture does.

We saw this openness in Nepal as well when we witnessed the preparation for cremation at a temple.  Each culture we experience teaches us something about ourselves as well as about the culture in which we may find ourselves immersed.